409 Signs You've Been in Band Too Long

1. instead of writing 'and' you write 'band'
2. you have inside jokes with every member of the marching band
3. your Napster library is filled with songs you've played
4. not just your drum line, but your whole band can crab step together  
5. you walk in step with the people around you
6. you like wearing your uniform
7. you consider sheet music an acessory
8. you keep track of how long you practice
9. people worry when they see you without sonething band related
10. you start responding to 'band dork'
11. people start to see a resemblence between you and your band director
12. you tell people to dress the lunch line
13. your mouthpiece tastes good
14. you walk to class and think: "Am I walking in half or full steps?"
15. you hang out in the band room before, during, and after school  
16. you eat lunch with other people from band  
17. you don't try and hide the fact that you're in band
18. you daydream about sets for next year's show
19. you wear band shirts to school
20. your entire schedule revolves around band
21. you social life involves memorizing music
22. you skip other classes to be in band
23. instead of sneakers, you wear your marching shoes to school
24. you have a band-related nickname
25. you can think of an anticdote for everyone in marching band  
26. you pay more attention to your instrument than your pets
27. you actually know how to fix your embouchure
28. you've made a band documentary
29. the best day of the year is Freshman Initiation  
30. you've ever had anything shipped to the band room care of your band director
31. your section has a symbol
32. you practice with writing implements in public  
33. you notice all the changes in other bands' shows
34. letters past G aren't important
35. you can only count in multiples of 4
36. you start to miss marching in the cold when band season is over
37. you start to refer to football season as either 'band season' or 'marching season'  
38. you like changing clothes on a bus
39. you make mix tapes for your friends with this year's band songs
40. you can hum, play, and sing your parts  
41. you think marching in the rain is fun
42. your band has its own cheers/songs  
43. you search the internet on ways to march better
44. you go trick-or-treating in your uniform
45. you can play your whole show even after chugging a whole bottle of cough syrup  
46. you could care less if someone beats you up, but they lay a finger on your instrument and you're ready to kick some ass
47. you've learned to whittle your own reeds
48. you've asked someone to marry you to your instrument
49. you wonder what life would be like without band
50. you actually get instrument jokes
51. you get excited when people get new instruments
52. your doodles are of notes and clefs
53. you call your friends by their chair, not by name
54. you wonder how songs would sound if your band played them
55. you've perfected the art of playing with gum/candy in your mouth
56. you order your clarinet marching gloves 'pre-cut'
57. you no longer think the clarinets' gloves make them look like hobos
58. you'd rather have root canal than miss practice
59. you've cut out every single article that featured your band in it
60. you can't wait until the band banquet
61. you've figured out the exact colors of your band uniform
62. you've ever started a sentence with "This one time at band camp..."
63. your band director is really always right
64. you decide that you want to learn every single band instrument before you graduate
65. you like being in places with egoistical trumpet players
66. you and your section-mates spend your time making fun of your section leader
67. you and your other band friends mock other section's leaders  
68. you start to spell Band with a capital B
69. you no longer think it's weird to be refered to as a number on a drill sheet
70. people have commented on how much you look like your instrument
71. you have almost no friends that aren't in band because everyone else thinks you're too weird
72. you're the webmaster of your band's website  
73. your love interests all play an instrument
74. you can play more than one instrument well  
75. you understand more Italian than English
76. you've devoted pages to band on your website  
77. marching season is over, and you miss getting up at dawn on Saturdays
78. your car has been refered to as the 'band mobile'
79. the biggest accomplishment of your day was you and a group of friends walking in step in a straight line
80. your room is covered with posters of professional musicians, famous bands, and pictures and articles of your band
81. all of your conversations eventually get around to the subject of band  
82. your e-mail address/screen name has your instrument in it
83. your password is your instrument plus your number on the drill sheet
84. you know the number of everyone's uniform and hat
85. you think it's funny to hide someone's music
86. you think it's funny to write on a trumpet with dry-erase markers  
87. your marching band has sleepovers during band camp  
88. you have to explain to the freshman about each and every member of the band  
89. you can finish other band members' sentences
90. your band director, drum majors, section leader, band captains, and drill instructors are all on your speed dial
91. you're mad because your phone isn't big enough to hold all of the band members' phone numbers (that's okay, you've already memorized them all)
92. all of your rides home are from people in band
93. you can really relate to Michelle from 'American Pie'
94. you actually know who Michelle is  
95. you wish you could go to band camp all summer
96. you make a shopping list and the only things on it are reeds, mouthpieces, valve oil, swab cloths, cork grease, and other instrument 'accessories'
97. you get upset when your band director says that marching the show onstage during the intermission of the school musical is a bad idea
98. you refer to intermissions at plays/musicals/operas as 'half-time' and have the irrestible urge to march your show
99. you know where to get things for odd instruments like the oboe, bassoon, or english horn  
100. your favorite thing to do is read instrument jokes
101. you send funny music pages to all of the musicians you know  
102. you have a theory about each section of the band  
103. you actually understood why people got their awards at the band banquet
104. you've ever parodied someone in your band by making up a song/character/slogan about them  
105. your pets are name after composers, types of music, dynamics, or musical accents
106. you think it's cute to teach your dog to bark the school fight song while your band plays it
107. you dream about marching
108. all you can think about is getting a new instrument
109. you're excited to switch instruments over the summer  
110. you think it would be really cool to become your state's only marching bassoon  
111. you think of ways to get the oboe and bassoon into the pit  
112. you try to convince your band director to buy an electric marimba because it gives you a cool shock when you put your hand on it while holding a flute   *
113. on a flute and clarinet duet, you don't need microphones to be heard
114. you think it's kind of cool that brass players have that thing on their lips from playing for so long
115. you wear pins that have things like "Kiss my brass," "Baby got Bach," "I have sax appeal" or anything with your instrument on them
116. you live to march in the rain
117. you've figured out - in days, hours, minutes, and seconds - how much time you've spent at school for band  
118. after dating people in your section, it begins to feel a little like incest
119. you and the other girls in band have 6 patented ways for wearing your hair under your band hat
120. you string a punch of plumes together to make a feather boa
121. you've ever invented a musical term that your band actually uses
122. your band cubby has more of your school books in it than your regular locker  
123. you get a piece of music to memorize for marching band and it takes you 15 minutes to memorize it  
124. you've learned several instruments over the summer because you can relate all of their fingerings to your first instrument  
125. you no longer think that the oboe and bassoon are weird instruments and wonder why all the freshmen flock to see them when taken out of their case and played   *
126. you'll be damned if you break your wrist and sit in the pit instead of marching in the show
127. you can describe everyone in band using the names of dynamics/accents
128. no one thinks its strange that you can play music backwards
129. you petition to have the name of the football field changed to the 'Marching Field'
130. you still think it's cool to talk about your marching shows from freshman year at your 25 year high school reunion
131. you decide to become a professional drill instructor because you love marching so much
132. your 'potty dance' is you marking time when you have to pee  
133. standing in line anywhere, you start conducting and humming music  
134. you're sad when your instrument goes to the shop and you send it get well cards and flowers
135. you own scrunchies, socks, shorts, or any other piece of clothing with your instrument on it
136. you get psyched when you see the Boston Pops, Berlin Philharmonic, Vienna Philharmonic, or the Canadian Brass on tv  
137. you've seen a live drum corps show
138. you've bottled your own 'band cola'
139. you can transpose music in your head faster than you can spell your own name
140. you know which stands in your band room wobble, and can avoid getting them  
141. you have your own special chair in the band room
142. you know the e-mail address of everyone in marching band
143. you invite the marching band to a 'band camp party' before band camp starts
144. you wish you could go away to a real band camp and not just practice at your school
145. you're jealous that your band's rival has lights on their football field
146. you remember everything that has ever happened at a marching competition  
147. you think the school's trophy case should be filled with band trophies
148. your band director starts to act more like your older brother than your teacher  
149. you've sworn in front of your band director and he doesn't care
150. you like hanging out with your band director
151. you've ever ridden in your band director's car
152. you wear your marching pants to school and claim that the "fireman's suspender" look is the new thing for this fall (and every one thereafter)
153. you wear your marching shoes to a concert and claim they are your only pair of nice shoes
154. you notice small things about the other band members (like how one clarinet has the straightest teeth you've ever seen and she's never had braces)
155. you know the names of all of the members in you rival's marching band
156. people worry when you can go out to the movies with them on Saturday night
157. you can't fall asleep unless you have a clarinet case as a pillow
158. you hum band songs to get to sleep
159. you know band camp is coming near because you remember it's distinctive 'smell'
160. you were so psyched when you found out that you can get a letter in band
161. you can't wait until you get your band jacket and start putting pins and patches all over it
162. you get mad when the freshman clarinets don't know the fingerings to Eb4, F4, F#4, and G4 when you play Semper Fidelis
163. you don't need a tuner to fix your pitch  
164. you list your band director as a reference on applications for jobs
165. your e-mail address is [your instrument and chair @your band's name.com]
166. all the woodwinds know how to make flavored reeds
167. the brass players and drummers can all whittle reeds
168. you own at least 3 band shirts
169. you're not even a trumpet player and you know what a 5C is  
170. you can tune any instrument, even if you don't play it  
171. your favorite thing to do on weekends is stay up late to simulate that 'been in competition then ridden on a bus for 3 hours' feeling
172. you wish SNL would make a marching band skit
173. you've sent SNL ideas for a band skit
174. you know all the parts of your marching show
175. it's easier for you to recite band jokes than to tell time
176. you never wear make-up, nail polish, or jewelery, becuse you know you'd just have to take it off before you march
177. you windex your marching shoes to make them more shiny  
178. you only wear pants with stripes down the side
179. your wardrobe only consists of pants and shirts that are your school's colors
180. you don't want to change out of your band uniform after you perform at a competition
181. you wear your marching jacket as a coat in the winter
182. you drum the cadence in the middle of class and you're a woodwind player  
183. you're not sure of the names of your relatives, but you can name everyone in band and what instrument they play  
184. you feel comfortable going to practice in pajamas  
185. you know all of the songs in your band's library
186. you're always in a good mood when band is your first class of the day
187. you classify everyone in band into differnet cliques
188. you can't even think about liking someone unless they have that reed or brass mouthpiece smell on their breath
189. you use valve oil as perfume/cologne
190. you're on a first-name basis with the owner of the local music store
191. you know all of the arrangers of all of your band songs
192. you'd be happy to tutor some kids on your instrument, but you just don't have time
193. you don't have time to do anything but be at band
194. you have to explain to non-band people why you're reaching down your marching pants
195. you're jealous that TRL has official cheerleaders, but doesn't have an official marching band
196. you no longer feel comfortable unless you are standing a) in blistering heat or b) in the freezing cold and getting yelled at
197. you watch videos of your marching show, you know which people you are watching  
198. you remember comments from the marching judges
199. when your drill instructor changes the show, you have 50 ideas that are better than his
200. you refer either to the marching field or band room as home
201. you love to talk about the field and concession stands of other schools  
202. you have a band bag that you take to competitions
203. you have a special reserved seat when you play in the bleachers
204. you can carry your instrument, uniform bag, hat box, and bookbag all at the same time
205. you start to have dreams about other members of the band  
206. you call your band director 'Dad' and no one notices
207. you compare your uniforms to the other bands'
208. you and rival bands have uniform fashion shows to decide whose uniform is better
209. listening to music, you try and march along to the beat  
210. you start to hum your show in your car using the turn signal as the beat  
211. in a regluar conversation, you use the words 'attention,' 'dressing the line,' and 'crab step'
212. your band director says you've got two competitions on the same day and you get really psyched and start crying because you're so happy
213. you've sworn to your band director that you will never date anyone in another band
214. you befriend people from the rival band just to get their secrets about marching
215. you think about writing 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Marching Band' in your spare time
216. you know what pitch your car horn is in  
217. you write your own marching shows for your favorite songs on the radio
218. you have a secret shrine to your Almighty Section Leader in your closet
219. you try to recruit junior high band members for your high school's marching band
220. you love playing hide-and-go-seek because you know that you can fit in the tuba case, quad case, the timpani, and some of the band cubbies
221. you can't carry on a normal conversation without refering to at least 3 inside jokes from band  
222. you are secretly smitten with the fact that you control what the cheerleaders do  
223. you know all of the cheerleaders' dances and cheers
224. you're mad that you can't run through a banner at the beginning of your half time show
225. you know everyone's drill number
226. you find out your drill number, you rejoice in the fact that you don't have to be next to the clarinet a chair below you  
227. you start to get uppity when someone refers to you as just a 'Clarinet', you are a 1st Clarinet, after all  
228. you bring cookies, pies, and meals to your band director in hopes of him giving you a higher chair
229. you bake cupcakes and then write each band member's name on them
230. your non-band friends are freaked out when you start composing your own music on the back of your math book  
231. you make sketches of the guard and drum major's uniforms when bored
232. you space out and think about how cool it would be to make a movie about your band
233. you've thought of slogans for your band
234. it's still funny that you're the 'Pride' of your school, but somehow, it makes sense
235. you've set your band's webpage as your homepage on your browser
236. you have pictures of your band as your desktop wallpaper
237. you'd love to walk into a judge and not get penalized for it
238. you design a line of band clothing and supplies on long bus trips
239. your band sings better than the chorus  
240. you petition to have your band get its own concerts
241. you can make jokes about any section of the band and know how true it really is  
242. being mauled by a drum is a normal part of life.
243. you give your instrument a birthday party
244. your non-band friends are amazed that you can make lists like this one
245. you step on the field again after summer vacation, kiss the ground and yell, "I'm home at last!"
246. your senior year you buy your own uniform, hat, and plume as a memento
247. the best news you got during marching season was that for the majority of the show, you were in the front
248. you've had sunburn and hypothermia in the same month  
249. you go to a movie and pay more attention to the soundtrack than the actors  
250. it blows people away that you haven't been to a social event in months
251. it's saddening to think that some schools don't even have a marching band
252. you can find the pocket in your uniform and not feel perverted when you remove money  
253. instead of writing your initials in a heart with someone else's, you draw pictures of your instrument
254. you can tell your instrument apart from the others by the sound it makes when it drops on the ground
255. you've ever done something wrong on purpose so that you could run laps  
256. you hate marching indoors because you have a special place in your heart for each field line
257. you know several ways to break into the band room
258. you seriously agree with your band director when he worries about non-band people stealing instruments in the instrument closet
259. you have an opinion on slide grease
260. someone says "Band sucks," and you beat the crap out of them
261. you think there should be a Marching Band Channel on TV
262. your whole day is ruined when your director misses work
263. you beg your band director to go and practice marching during your band class
264. it's mind-boggling that the orchestra members don't want to start a marching orchestra
265. you have a favorite cadence
266. you no longer laugh hysterically when told to "practice your fingering" or "finger along with the music."
267. you can find the beat of any song within the first five seconds   *
268. you use the tile in your bathroom as a marching field and little green army men, and simulate your marching show so that you can know what it looks like  
269. you refer to people by their instruments
270. you've held, and dropped, every instrument in your marching band
271. you practice your marching music on a daily basis
272. you've memorized all of the stand music  
273. you own a pair of black socks for each field you compete on
274. you get ecstatic when you hear a song that your band played on the radio or in a movie
275. you hang out with your instrument section and tell others they aren't invited because they aren't part of your section
276. you knock on peoples doors with the opening cadence
277. your marching band has a dance they do when leaving the field
278. you swear you heard your band director say he wanted to march the show with you
279. you know everything about everybody in the marching band
280. you're familiar with the location of all of the marching band equipment (lights, field markers, megaphone)
281. it's no longer scary to stay up late at night to practice your marching show
282. you've only gotten the drill book, but you've already figured out how to march the show
283. you freak out when one of the freshmen tells you that he isn't wearing black socks  
284. the worst thing in the world would be if you got kicked out of band
285. you realize that nothing you do could get you kicked out of band  
286. it's scary to think that you won't be able to be in marching band when you 'grow up'
287. you don't ever want to leave your band director
288. more people than not have commented about that weird 'grass, spit, and sweat' smell whenever you enter a room
289. you can identify each of the trumpets by the type of valve oil they use
290. you yell at people when they forget their instruments at home
291. you see Marc Green and automatically shout 'LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT'
292. your band has two field shows - one for grass, and one for astro turf
293. you know all of the salutes of all of the marching bands in your division
294. you and your marching band friends take bets on what your rival's guard uniforms are going to look like
295. you've figured out parts of you favorite songs on different instruments
296. you know all of your scales - major and minor
297. you've designed band fonts for your computer
298. you know how to distribute parts better than your band director
299. you know every part anyone's ever been given
300. you go home and feel like your family is missing 100 people
301. the funniest thing of the year was when at a marching competition, the tuba's pants fell down
302. you give band-related things to your band director
303. you secretly wish that your parents were marching and guard instructors
304. you have children and force them to be in band
305. your band has a cheer that no one but your band understands
306. you've ever thought about becoming rich and putting a football field in your backyard just so you could march shows whenever you wanted
307. you'd really like to see your parents try and march your show  
308. you reminisce about your time in marching band when you're 80
309. you're convinced that you are the biggest fan of marching band ever
310. you donate all your money to your school's instrumental program
311. you buy things for your school's instrumental program
312. you supply all the props for your marching show
313. you publish a book after you graduate titled "Half-time Show; The Stories and Secrets of my life at (your high school)"
314. you think that they paint the field to make it easier for you to see the lines, you don't even consider that the football team might use the field, too
315. you can only dream about owining your own company where you design field shows all day
316. you've tried to get a patent own 'Marching Band-Aids', bandages with instruments on them
317. you don't know any of the rules of football, except when to play the school fight song
318. you wear your wool uniform as pajamas in the winter
319. you get something on your uniform and freak out because you think your band director will care
320. you don't want to have the 3rd quarter off
321. you think of things that make you a band dork when you don't even have band class  
322. you think that being in the orchestra would make you a Benedict Arnold
323. you no longer hide the fact that you make out with your mouthpiece in public
324. you can only like a non-band person if they have the same name as someone in band
325. your director asks you to fill in someone's spot for a show because you have the entire show memorized
326. you and the other people in your section have plots to overthrow your section leader  
327. you've gotten permission from the others in your section to challenge your section leader  
328. you know which people's arms make the best pillows and make sure to rest on them after competing and on the bus home  
329. you can tell the twins apart - even when they're wearing the same clothes  
330. you're a member of any marching band club on Yahoo! clubs  
331. you write a column abut band for your school newspaper  
332. you have 'voices' for members of the marching band  
333. you'd give almost anything to be in the pit  
334. you start confusing people that look just a little bit alike  
335. you walk anywhere and start marching instep with the other bands' show/cadence  
336. you constantly use the phrase "When I'm a drum major"
337. you mock other bands  
338. you've ever commented about how ugly your band shoes are  
339. you make up songs about the situation your band is in
340. you 'accidentally' memorize everything and think nothing of it until your section mocks you  
341. you're secretly glad when you can play something your section leader can't  
342. you can read treble, bass, alto, and tenor clef  
343. you're proud that a list like this has grown so damn long  
344. you keep telling people in your section that you need to play survivor to get rid of someone  
345. you've memorized the complete chair list for band  
346. you know the complete chair list for marching band, concert band, orchestra, and jazz band  
347. you have nothing better to do, so you practice  
348. you look down on those who can't play as high as you  
349. you're constantly being referred to as 'a show off'  
350. you're a show off and you like being one  
351. you laugh at things like 'Fire Crotch/Clone' and 'Copland Sandwich'  
352. you beg your director to have sectionals  
353. you force freshman clarinets to stay after and practice with you  
354. you've given serious thought to hurting someone in your section  
355. you bitch about the clarinet being an open-hole instrument and that you have to wear the damn cut-finger gloves, while cursing that you should be playing bassoon in the pit  
356. you think you can be in the pit with the bassoon  
357. you know the difference between a majorette, color guard, and drum major  
358. you take it upon yourself to write a new cadence for next year - you're a woodwind player
359. your band gossips about what show you're going to do next year  
360. you recite the alphabet A through G then start back at A again
361. someone could empty their spit valve on your shoe and you wouldn’t care
362. spit rags/swabbers don’t gross you out
363. you know what a shako is and insist on calling them that, threatening to kick anyone who dares to call them ‘hats’
364. 9/8 time scares the b’jeezus out of you, while dying a slow painful death in a pit of snakes doesn’t
365. you have a section of your closet for 'concert attire'
366. you go around humming the last song you practiced, even if it’s Bb major scale
367. having people help dress and undress you isn’t even remotely sexually stimulating
368. you've fallen asleep inside one of the big band cubbies
369. you walk around with cork grease in your pocket
370. you pick out instruments from the music in cartoons
371. you always have band songs stuck in your head - even ones from three years ago
372. you're proud of the fact that you've downloaded all of your band songs and can play along with them
373. you switch instruments a month before concert and your band director knows you can play the part and...
374. your band director tells you "the last thing you do is suck" (see above)  
375. your feet are together, your stomach is in, your shoulders are back, your head is up, and your eyes are "with pride." 24-7
376. you still and always will find "Sax-a-ma-PHONE!" entertaining  
377. it will always be a battle of Brass United versus Baritaltos
378. you find yourself drawing characters in uniforms with instruments
379. you've never had to pay to get into a football or basketball game
380. when at competitions, you mock other bands when they are off-step, don't make a straight line, and/or when a color guard member drops a flag  
381. pictures of instruments turn you on
382. you spend time at the local music store drooling over new instruments
383. you were a freshman in high school when you got your wooden clarinet  
384. you've owned at least 3 of the same instrument  
385. your cell phone ring is one of the songs you're playing in band
386. you go to the toy store and play the fugue from your marching show on the toy pianos  
387. drum kits amuse you easily
388. you are known as the 'band slut'
389. one of the categories on your buddy list is 'Band Geeks' and it has the majority of people  
390. at pep rallies, the band is the loudest, most spirited section
391. non-band people have asked if others in band are related to you (you're an only child)  
392. you get mad at band people when you do the drum solo and they miss the 'huh'
393. you get people's attention by saying '(their name) ten hut'
394. the whole of your Saturday is spent making up a band dork online clique
395. all your away messages relate to band
396. you quit one instrument and take up a new one all in the same day  
397. you move around when you play and don't realize you're doing it  
398. you've linked your band's webpage on your site
399. when someone asks you your favorite band you ask them "What division? MAC, NYSFBC, NBA or what?"
400. you're a woodwind player and you know all about trumpet mutes
401. you go to see a broadway and get excited whenever you hear your instrument
402. you want to be voted 'most talent musician' as your senior superlative
403. your motto is 'the faster the better'  
404. you think everything should be played at 144  
405. you remember every ding and dent on your instrument
406. your band's concert cds are in your stereo 24/7
407. you can hear yourself out of the whole ensemble when listening to a recording
408. you drive to a neighboring state, and stay over night, to watch a DCI finals competition
409. you never miss an opportunity to watch another band perform - even while your ride is waiting 

Flute/Piccolo Joke

How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?    
Shoot one.

Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other,
    "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" The other replies,
    "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."

Top

Clarinet Jokes

How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

What's the definition of "nerd?"
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.

What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.

Top

Saxophone Jokes

Trumpet Jokes

Trombone Jokes

Tuba Jokes

Percussionist Jokes

"When I learned we were going to take a trip to hear a symphony orchestra, I told my feet to quiet down but they felt too Saturday to listen."

"I would like for you to teach me to play the cello. Would tomorrow or Friday be best?"

"If you keep moving two fingers real fast on the piano, you get a thrill."

"I can't reach the brakes on this piano!"

"The best way to tune up is to use a pitchfork."

"A good thing to remember about trying to pick up a tuba is don't."

"Will we ever get to the point where music is no longer taught in schools? The chances are 999 out of a hundred."

"A diminuendo is something only encyclopedias know for sure."

"Tutti means everybody toot at the same time."

"I know what a sextet is but I would rather not say."

"Fortissimo means real loud. It is the way a composer yells on music paper."

"Refrain means don't do it! A refrain in music is the part you better not play."

"Poignant music is music you hear before the stork comes."

"Flats are okay in music but bad in tires."

"Pieces written in minor keys sometimes make me feel nervous, like when my mom is looking at me under her breath."

"Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed."

"By shortening and lengthening tubing filled with air, high and low sounds can be made. Only wind instruments can understand this well enough to make it work for them. When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody."

"When we blow into a whistle, the air is pushed together in some places and pulled apart in others. Naturally it screams and that is the sound we hear."

"Many things about electronic instruments that were once thought to be science fiction now actually are."

Question: Who composed The Hallelujah Chorus? Answer: "George Fredric Doorknob."

"Although Rossini was once considered a great composer of operas, we now know of operas he failed to compose."

"I like to listen to the Sorcerer's Appendix."

"Richard Wagner was born in 1813, supposably on his birthday."

"Bach died from 1750 to the present."

"Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this."

"Haydn got married when he was 28 years old and became the father of classical music."

"Handel was a deeply religious man because in some of his music he talks about Ye and Thee and people like that."

"Handel was half German, half Italian and half English; he was rather large."

"Felix Mendelssohn seems to have been happy, honest and well-liked, although a musician."

"Berlioz proved he was a wonderful composer by going insane."

"Music is one of our most anesthetic arts."

These jokes were collected from several high school band sites on the internet.
If you have an origional joke to add, send it to your Web Master: Wendy Wiele